February is a month when many students are taking school entrance exams in Japan. I remember when I was a student, I used to get so stressed before exams. There was a pressure of getting a good grade, so I studied so many hours preparing for them.
I succeeded in passing many exams, but had a fair amount of failure as well. It is frustrating and disappointing to fail after spending so many hours studying. How strange it is that failing an exam can make us feel like a failure. We feel like we can’t do anything right. We feel less than other people who succeed in doing the same thing.
In our culture, we celebrate successes, but not failures. It feels nice to pass an exam or the projects turn out to be successful. Our self-esteem increases as we experience success. We feel like we are moving forward.
But failing is a part of our life and a very important part, in fact. When we fail, it means we are doing something that is out of our reach. We are aiming higher. That is why failure means more than success. It means we are growing.
The world is made of many failures
We hear many news and stories of people’s successes. Successes are celebrated and failures are taken as something bad that should be avoided for all costs. But the reality is, people are failing everyday to make something new in the world.
When we try to make a change in the world, we fail more than we succeed. We fail but we keep trying, hoping that one day something will change. It is not a bad sign to fail. It means we are moving forward.
What to do when we fail
I know that we are moving forward when we fail, but it doesn’t feel good to fail. Whether in schools or in jobs, failing is generally considered bad. So we work so hard not to fail. But sometimes, we fail after working so many hours preparing for it.
Shame, frustration, disappointment. Those are the feelings that arise when I fail. It’s not a nice feeling and I want to do everything to avoid it. I have learnt throughout my childhood that failing is shameful and we should do everything to avoid it.
I grew up in the culture in which failing means being a failure. We label people as having a talent or an intelligence or not, limiting individuals’ capacities. What the psychologist Carol Dweck called “fixed mindset.” It is also true that women don’t get second chances when we fail. It is easy for people to categorize us as “not good enough,” proving that women are not as good as men who have innate capacities to show real results.
Today, we know the importance of the “growth mindset.” Unlike the fixed mindset that dictates that individuals are born with a certain set of skills and capabilities, the growth mindset takes individuals capable of growing their skills through practicing and studying. Even when we fail, we can always work our way to succeed.
We should embrace failing more than succeeding, because it is transformative. All the hours that we spend working towards our goals are never a waste of time, because it makes us grow despite an unfortunate outcome.
Don’t cling too much to being successful
Success feels great. We all want to be successful at something in life. It’s okay to enjoy your successes.
But success can turn into fear of failure. When we cling to being successful, we stop trying something difficult. Because we fear failing, we keep choosing safe options, preventing us from growing.
I usually take success with mixed emotions. I feel great that I did something right and not to embarrass myself by failing, but at the same time I feel anxious. I feel more stressed trying something new and keep thinking what if I don’t succeed this time. What would people think of me? Being successful is tiring. It also prevents me from focusing on what I am actually doing.
I also believe not all successes are good. We can be successful in raising a lot of money while destroying the planet or deceiving people. Not being so successful is better in these cases. I want to make sure that I am successful in the right things.
Success is nice, but I want to be someone who keeps failing so that I won’t be stuck in the same place. It is still an ongoing process of changing my perspective on failing, but I want to cultivate the mindset that embraces failing and not to punish it.
